The first time my NM ever slapped my face was when I had a mouthful of metal in adolescence. We had been in her bedroom, I had been complaining about a teacher who had some kind of problem with me in junior high (a.k.a middle school). Usually my NM is very protective against outside forces, you see, so I think I wanted her to do something, try and get me into a different class or something. Pull her impressive PTA clout with the principle or something. I don't know how the situation deteriorated. I don't know how I ended up getting slapped or what I did that she felt merited slapping my face.
There's nothing repressed or forgotten. It's just not there. The memory was never processed and encoded. I assume this was because the process was interrupted by the unexpected blow she struck.
What I remember next is being slapped, but we weren't in the bedroom anymore, we were in the hallway. I don't know how we ended up there. I went down on my knees, face numb. I didn't taste the blood yet.
NM freaked out and raged. Oh she had never wanted to hit me, to be like her mother (she'd been slapped a few times for the things that came out of her mouth growing up), I had "made her" do it. She started hitting the wall, crying and ranting. She might have started banging her head against it, too. Mostly I just remember the noise and being terrified. Then I realized my mouth was cut up inside from my metal braces and that I was bleeding. I said nothing.
She didn't ask if I was okay, didn't apologize. She went to get her purse and go run errands, demanding I come with her. I didn't move from where I had dropped. I was swallowing my own blood because of that woman. I sure as hell wasn't going to get in a car with her and go places I didn't even need to go to just so she could have me trapped with her and lay into me more. I can think of no other reason for having wanted to drag me along other than so she could punish me further.
She persisted, angrily. Finally E-Sis stepped in. I don't know what she said, but NM left. I went into the bathroom to examine the damage. It was never spoken of again for years. She never asked if I was okay when she got home, she never apologized. Or if she did, I don't remember her apologizing. Knowing her though, it's not likely she did. It wasn't until much later I told her about the injury. I don't think she offered a real apology then, either.
PROTIP: Don't slap your children. Especially if they have any orthodontic work in their mouths.
Ugh. It's terrible how you getting hit was really all about HER.
ReplyDeleteOf course, everything was (and still is, in her mind) about her. Even my father knows she makes everything about her, we've talked about it before. It was about her when she threw her favorite coffee mug at the wall, but she blames my father for her breaking her favorite damn coffee mug. She claims it was either throw it at him, or throw it at the wall, and we should be oh so impressed she threw it at the wall instead of at him. But I'm pretty sure there was a third option called "control yourself and don't throw your fucking coffee mug".
DeleteIf you say to her that she makes everything about her, she gets all uppity about being "entitled to her opinion" and how dare you try to silence her. Yes, yes she is entitled to her opinion. It doesn't mean she has to share it with everyone about everything... I bet if I asked her about why she slapped me that time she'd still make it about her.
If I could go back armed with the knowledge I now possess. I would have been the most ornery little bastard I could muster up and they could all kiss my ass.
ReplyDeleteBecause being a shrinking violet of a boy got me no where fast.
If I could go back with my knowledge, I'd have called the police demanded she be charged for assault and battery! Ah, if only. That would have been quite interesting... I'd probably pay dearly for having done it later on, but it would have been soooo worth it.
DeleteIsn't it VR? She all but maims her daughter and makes it all about her. But that's how they are. I still can't believe there are others out there.
ReplyDeleteIf not for the internet and search engines I would be sitting here thinking my dim-bulb mother was the only mean and crazy bitch like her.
Agree!
ReplyDeleteMe too. Not that their behavior will EVER be acceptable, but when you're sitting alone on your little lifeboat in the middle of a murderous sea, it's reassuring to see the lights from the others as they get carried up on the swells of these huge, relentless waves.
ReplyDeleteTW