Game Over, Samantha

So, Samantha called yesterday at a time she knew I wouldn't able to answer and left voice mail asking about meeting with me in person, because e-mails just aren't a good way to communicate and it's better to talk in person, blah, blah, blah. Her voice was very flat, in fact, it sounded as if she was trying to fake being down, or perhaps was being forced to do something she didn't want to.

Foolish me agreed to meet with her this Friday. I sent her this:

I wasn't sure when I saw [her fiancee] what I wanted to do so I didn't talk to him about meeting you, and since it's rather late to be sending text messages or calling, e-mail it is for the moment. I've thought about it, and feel that I said everything I wanted/needed to in my last e-mail. However it seems you've got more to say and as long as it isn't just a rehash of your last e-mail to me I'm willing to listen. [emphasis added]

I suggest we meet some place neutral. I'd prefer some place nearby that I can reach by walking or hopping the bus down [Street Name] Starbucks, [Local restaurant], [Local restaurant], or something like that. Anyway, just give me a time and place and I'll be there.

This is what I got back:

Yes, I would like to meet. And I feel it's best if we both go in there with open minds and not just assuming we know what the other will say.  I think this is extremely important, and I would hope you thought so too.  If you come unwilling to listen to what I say (and same goes for me listening to you) then we won't get anywhere.  I think it's important to understand that now. [emphasis added]

How does [Local restaurant] at 1pm tomorrow afternoon sound?

I noticed immediately how she wasn't listening to what I said. I said I was willing to listen, as long as she had something new to say. I read her e-mail, I don't need to hear the same bullshit in person from her. But what does she do? Directly ignores my willingness to listen, starts preaching about open minds and not making assumptions. Doesn't say a word as to if she has something besides her previous e-mail to discuss. She just equivocates about it, trying to get me to have an "open mind" so she can be all wounded when I don't want to hear the same bullshit from her e-mail again. Meeting's off. I am so not playing this game with her. So a revised version of the last letter I plan on sending her was dispatched.

In view of your equivocating response, it seems to me you have no intention of taking responsibility for your recent behavior. If you try to dance around my boundaries in e-mail, I cannot trust you to respect them in person either. I have no assumptions, only what I am willing and not willing to listen to regarding this matter; and I am not willing to listen to your last e-mail again, in person. If that is all you want to do, if you cannot commit to more than just repeating yourself, then we have nothing discuss.

I said I was willing to listen, if you had something new to say, and you completely ignore that and talk about assumptions and having an open mind instead of addressing the matter directly. It makes me doubtful of your intentions; you are not listening to me now and I do not feel like you are interested in listening to me at all in person either. I feel like you want to get me alone to verbally beat me into submission and that is not a position I am willing to put myself in. I am no longer comfortable with meeting you tomorrow.

So, thank you for proving my points for me and for attempting to violate every healthy boundary I have established. I didn't talk to you sooner on my own behalf, that is my fault and I am sorry for it. I own that, but it does not excuse your own behavior. My door is always open if you are ever willing to respect my boundaries, to take responsibility for your actions, to own your share in this, and to be honest. However, you do not sound ready for this in either your voice mail or your latest response. If you ever are ready, understand that I will not be able to meet with you alone.

Please return the spare keys to my apartment, my book “[Title]”, our pizza stone, and if you happen to be the one who still has it, my sister’s book “[Title.” You are still welcome to work out with [her fiancee] in our gym if you are comfortable, as it would be unfair to exclude you from working out with your fiancée if he wants to keep working out [DH].

Also, [person] had given me the book he borrowed from you to return for him on the Friday before last, but I accidentally left it at [Friend B]'s. I can retrieve it for you, or if you like, you may contact them directly.

If you no longer wish to involve me in your wedding, I understand. I will respect your decision and will not be offended.

Thank you,
[Adela Alba]

Waiting for the rest of the shit to hit the fan. If she won't make up her mind on if I'm in or out of the wedding before the end of the month, then I will make up her mind for her by officially withdrawing. The only way to win is to not play the game.

Game over, bitch.