Laughing and Crying at the Same Time

I've never experienced this before. I've never laughed and cried at the same time. Hey TW, you know how you asked me to think about what I was getting out of responding and continuing this bullshit with Samantha? The knowledge I made my best effort, confirm my suspicions she was a narcissist once and for all, and that there would be no chance of reconciliation.

She gave it to me just a few moments ago. I might add my comments about it later when I can stand to read it again. Here it is for you all:

I was going to write an email back and respond point to point, but after reading it all again I don't feel that it's necessary.  I want to point out just a few things that I felt were an attack on my character which were harsh, unfair, and untrue: I would never say that about [DH]'s degree, especially since [her fiancee] has almost the same degree from the same institution, and I think both of them are extremely intelligent; also as I'm looking to go to that school, I don't think that there is anything wrong with it.  I do not think you are boring and have never called you boring, and I would not share thoughts like that with people who are our mutual friends because that would be rude.  I don't know where this rumor about the math started, but I find it extremely offensive.  I have never ever lied about anything like that - my mother taught me to be an honest and trustworthy person and I would never do anything like that, especially not with other people's money.  You guys always entrusted me to work out the bill, and if there was ever an issue it was purely by mistake.  The fact that you can even think that about me really shows how I was wrong about what you knew about me.  The fact that all these things you mentioned are what people have said they thought about me, and you don't trust me at all over them - you take their word over mine, shows me how you feel about me as a friend.  As for leaving you for an acquaintance, the only time I remember cancelling plans with you was to hang out with my sister when she was dealing with post-partem depression.  And to comment on my relationship with [her fiancee] seems out of line - everyone has their quirks with their significant other, including you - and I have never made a comment no them because it was not my place.  I didn't realize you had so much built up against me - I had assumed that if you had anything you would talk to me about it.  To blame me in this situation for being not easy to talk to is simply you guys passing off any responsibility on to me.  No one has tried to talk to me since that time a long time ago, and I have changed quite a bit since then. So to blame me being confrontational is simply hiding behind all of you not wanting to come out and say it, but all discuss it among yourselves.  I never considered you a back up option, and I assumed you would understand that I had less time as we got older and things were finally going the right way for me.

That's all I have to say.  As you were so negative in your email with all of your "I will not" and "I won't stand for", I'll do the same.  I will not let what happened last time happen this time.  You tell me how I can get back into everyone's good graces? It's your terms or nothing?  There are guidelines and parameters that I have to abide by? I am your best friend, or so I thought, and I thought I was on equal footing.  I didn't know it was your rules or nothing.  I didn't know I didn't get a say.  If you feel so indifferent about our friendship that you can say this is how it will be, take it or leave it... then I suppose I thought we were something different than we are.  I will not just go only by your rules, I thought we were equals in this relationship and I thought we both had a say, that there would be compromise - not just me following what you want.  So if it really is your way or the highway, I feel like with that attitude you are pushing me toward the highway.  I would really not like to end over 20 years of friendship, but if everything you listed in your past email is really how you see me, then we obviously have not been the friends I thought we were all this time.  

You may feel however you feel.  I still cherish our friendship, and I still love you.  If you feel like you no longer want that, then that is your choice and I accept whatever decision you make.